the year of single

 
 

Another night in bed,

swiping right, on lads

in little hats with nose piercings

And I thought about time - minutes and seconds.

And I considered how many minutes and seconds I had wasted,

chatting to boys I’ll barely remember.

I was spending this particular Tuesday night messaging a lad about his “amazing” burrito recipe.

I didn’t give a shit.

I don’t care about burritos.

I didn’t even want a boyfriend.

I’ve never really wanted a boyfriend.

And yet here I was.

And I came to a quick yet daunting conclusion that -

Despite years of saying I am “sooooo good at being alone”

and that “I love my own company.”

It wasn’t true.

Because here I was trying to find someone - anyone so I didn’t have to hang out with myself. The idea of being wanted and understood by someone else, seemed so much easier that getting to know and understand myself.  But easier is not always the best.

Texts.

Likes.

Emails from Wowcher.

Someone telling you, that you are

cool, pretty,  deserve a really good discount on a electric toothbrush.

All of this stuff. Distracts us from being truly, truly alone and listening to ourselves.

No matter if you are single

in a relationship or just having a couple of dates here and there.

We shouldn’t run-away from being alone. Instead we should invite loneliness around for tea once in a while. Sit down with it and listen to the lessons it has to teach.

Because maybe it is only in the silence of our own company that you begin to hear yourself fully. And it will probably be a difficult thing to do - but trust, that the power of knowing yourself is always worth it.

Written by Lib Papworth

 
 

Photographer - Pip Jay King

Art Director / Collage maker - Mahaut Harley

Girl - Lib Papworth